Things Kids Say Thursday: Happy Birthday, Batman

Today is my birthday. I’m 33, so — as I’ve been reminded by my husband — I can no longer claim to be “just into my 30s” or my early “30s.” It’s mid-30s now, or so he says. He’s six years older than me, so all those years of teasing him about being old are coming back to bite me.

This morning I told Baby Girl that today is my birthday, hoping she’d sing Happy Birthday in the adorable way that she does.

“No, it not,” she answered. “It not Mommy’s birthday. It’s Batman’s birthday. Happy birthday, Batman!”

Da hell?

“No, it’s Mommy’s birthday today,” I tried again.

“No! It NOT Mommy’s birthday. It Batman’s birthday!” she argued. And then she started singing. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Batman, happy birthday to you.”


She cut her toy birthday cake and sang to her Batman again later — not a word for her mommy. Fucking caped crusader.

The birthday was pretty good, but very non-eventful aside from getting flowers. We’ll try to celebrate on Sunday after the Busiest Week Ever finishes. Little Man has had soccer every day since Sunday and will have it again tomorrow (his team will play for the All Star Championship). Plus I’ve been trying to complete a laundry list of deep cleaning chores, get our sweaters ready, get Little Man’s costume stuff together for the program on Monday, go to appointments, decorate, plus the usual stuff. I believe the drinks I have on Saturday will be well deserved.

Don’t Be Hating On My Elf

I know lots and lots of people loathe the Elf on the Shelf. Partly because he looks creepy, partly because they don’t like the idea of bullshitting your kids with a stalker (or maybe an assassin) sent on Santa’s behalf to watch every little thing they do. Also partly because it does involve some effort, and some of us parents don’t have time for more effort on top of the shitty effort we’re already making.


We do Elf on the Shelf in our house. It’s one of our traditions now, since my stepmom bought it for us. We half considered getting a girl elf for Norah, but those things cost too much. “It’s only $35, is that the price you want to say is too much to ensure years of holiday fun for your kids?” Yep. Unless Sam caves with Baby Girl, Rufus is flying solo again this year.

Last year was the most successful Elf on the Shelf year, as we were able to convince Little Man 35 times that Santa was skipping his house for being naughty. No, I’m kidding — we don’t do the Elf thing that way. No lists, no reports, etc., but he does sometimes leave notes, small gifts, candy. Little Man loves it and has a blast with it, and I’m sure Baby Girl will too, since she’s getting into that stuff more now. Really though, last year was the most successful year because I moved the elf more times than I didn’t move him. That’s improvement, especially considering that he sat on a shelf where we hang up our keys for about 9 days one year. We had to convince Little Man that no, Rufus wasn’t dead, but that he just really liked that spot.

Now that all that info is out of the way, I’d like to announce that our elf, Rufus, has returned.

We have two versions of how Rufus returned– a kid friendly version and a not kid friendly version. Let me know which one you preferred.


For the kids (their names were blurred out.)


Not for the kids.

Here’s where y’all come in. If you’ve got any funny ideas for Elf on the Shelf, I want them. We’ve got a list for adult fun and kid fun, but I’m sure y’all could come up with an interesting idea or three. Whoever submits the best thing will lots of Internet points that can be redeemed for pretty much nothing, but it’s the thought that counts.

Let the hatin’ begin.

Share Your World – 48

041514 sywbannerDo you prefer eating foods with nuts or no nuts?

Generally no nuts, unless they’re finally chopped. I like the flavor, but don’t like the consistency of most nuts.

If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction?

It’d probably be a dark comedy. I’ve had a lot of serious stuff happen and deal with some serious stuff on a regular basis, but I’d rather put a humorous spin on it than be all Lifetime. (Obviously that doesn’t always apply to my blog posts.)

Who talks real sense to you?

My best friend, J. I might not always go to her with my stuff since I’m a very private person, but when I do, she shoots straight with me. She’s also great at keeping me in check at times, since I tend to have more book smarts than common sense. (I hate being told “You’ve got book smarts, but no common sense” from pretty much everyone, since it’s usually a cop out for being wrong about something, but when she says it, she’s right.)

Do you have a favorite board game?

Scrabble! Except no one ever wants to play with me because I always win (hooray for the benefits of having an English degree), so when I do play it’s usually online.

The Share Your World Challenge is hosted by Cee — check out the challenge here

Weekend Coffee Share: Holidays, Holidays, Holidays

Screenshot 2016-09-04 at 10.31.40 AM

If we were having coffee, you’d probably expect me to break out the good coffee and do homemade muffins and all that since it’s been several weeks since the last time I invited you to have coffee with me. After threatening you with the reusable K-cup thing that gets coffee grounds everywhere and some Walmart cookies, you’d magically forget all about how long it’s been.

Right now everyone is doing their own thing, while avoiding the big boxes of Christmas ornaments and decorations. It needs to be done and we want it to be done, but no one wants to do it. Unlike with my mother-in-law, who brilliantly manipulates the others (not Sam or me, because we know) into putting up her tree and all her other stuff for her right after the Thanksgiving meal, our stuff isn’t going to get done unless one of us gets off our butts and takes initiative. And then we’ll all pitch in. But right now, since we’ve had such a busy last few days, no one wants to do anything.

So, while I do my part in the Christmas decorating procrastinating, I’ll go ahead and ramble on a bit about some things.

Thanksgiving went well. We visited my dad’s and in-laws, and everyone got along and it was drama free outside of Sam’s mom acting all huffy over something silly. So, that’s good. With past holidays, that hasn’t always been the case, so it was nice for everything to be chill. I think Sam was the only one who ate much of anything, though, between me and my pickiness that allowed me to eat a plate of turkey and corn, Baby Girl refusing to eat at all and getting grits later, and Little Man, whose appetite has been non-existent lately.

We did go shopping on Black Friday, but only to get a gift for my nephew’s birthday party that night and to get myself a hair dryer. On Thanksgiving, our oven decided to go to crap (hopefully it’s only a very cheap heating element, we’ll see) and then while I was drying my hair, my hair dryer jolted or something and sparks started flying out and it started smoking. Yikes! Turns out that there is a class action lawsuit against the company that makes my hair dryer (Conair 1875) because of people getting burned.

Yesterday was spent cleaning. I’m trying to get as much done as possible for the Tacky Christmas Party on Saturday before the big day, since we want to go to a Christmas Festival that day. Since Sam and Little Man have been so slack lately and seem to be getting worse about leaving their stuff lying around (not just kinda messy, but clothes in the kitchen, wrappers in the floor, ugh), I’ve been making personal checklists and chore lists for each of them to complete each day. We’re only one week into it, but it’s done a lot to help them not only be more responsible for their stuff, but to actually contribute more around the house. I’m going to laminate some copies of the checklists later today and make it all official.


After cleaning, I tried my hand at making some glass pendant necklaces. Since it’s so difficult to buy presents for the adults I know, I thought I’d do something a little more personal (at least for the ladies). I bought the materials online and after a little trial and error, I got the hang of it, and they actually turned out pretty good.

I’m going to pick up some stuff to do magnets, charms, and other necklace shapes this week.

On another note, my blog hit 1,000 followers last week. I’m not a big stats person, which happens when you don’t blog enough and your stats are almost non-existent, but I was excited to see that. Took just a little over two years!

And now I’m running out of things to say, which means my procrastination is almost at its end and I’ll have to start decorating. I’ll stretch this on a little bit longer by asking you to a) tell me about your Thanksgiving, if you celebrated and b) asking you for suggestions for an adult Christmas party. Now it’s up to you to help me avoid the box with all the Christmas ornaments that must be individually unboxed and unwrapped.

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Diana at Part-Time Monster Blog.

Things Kids Say Thursday: Gobble-Gobble

Baby Girl has really gotten into the holidays/special events. She regularly throws us all birthday parties with a toy cake set and sings Happy Birthday to us, loved Halloween and talks about going trick-or-treating again, and gets excited over seeing Christmas trees. She’s even excited about Thanksgiving and has been bringing home crafts from preschool that she’s super proud of.

After doing all the baking and watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving last night, I got out some construction paper so the kids could make hand print turkeys. Baby Girl has already done quite a bit of hand print stuff at preschool, but Little Man has done nothing, and it won’t be long before gets too old to want to do hand print crafts.


The hand print turkey making went just fine, aside from Baby Girl repeatedly trying to reach over and color her brother’s turkey. When we finished up, BG wanted to go show hers to her daddy. She walked proudly into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face.

“Daddy, look what I did! Look at my chicken.” Wrong bird, BG, we aren’t deep frying any chickens this week — we’ll save those artery cloggers for the rest of the time.

“Oh, that’s beautiful!” Sam said. “Your turkey looks great.”

She gave him a look. “That not a turkey. It’s a chicken. It say ‘gobble-gobble.'”

“Chickens say ‘buck-buck-buck’ and turkeys says ‘gobble-gobble,” Sam told her.

“That MY chicken and it say ‘gobble-gobble.'”

We’ve learned that there’s no arguing with her (or teaching her) when she goes into “That MY ____” mode.

“Okay…that’s your chicken,” Sam said. “It’s beautiful!”

Happy Chicken Day, folks😉

Poof, A Blog Post

“I’m going to sit here until I write a blog post,” I announced to my husband. Not that he was paying attention or really cared about me writing a post for a blog that he doesn’t read, but I felt like if I said it that I’d actually do it. So, this is me doing it. If only losing weight were as easy. “I’m gonna lose five pounds!” and poof, it’s gone.

I haven’t been so good with the blog writing lately. I feel like I keep saying that (or maybe I just keep writing that in drafts that I delete). At any rate, this hasn’t been the most productive few months as far as blogging goes. At the end of summer, I thought that I’d be writing a lot once school started back. That was true for about a month, but then I began slacking off again. Well, some of it was slacking off (or getting busy with all the things) and some of it has been a tired brain that has been lacking decent topics.

This is such a fun time of year, but so, so busy. Y’all know how it is. I’ve got most of the Christmas shopping done at least, all online, which is pissing off our mail lady. We got a mailer from the Post Office encouraging people to use the USPS to ship their Christmas stuff this week, delivered by her. I’ll take the complaints over having to actually go out to the mall or go, God forbid, Black Friday shopping at Walmart. What little I haven’t taken care of I plan to make…hopefully. (In about a week, expect a post on how I screwed up necklace making and woodburning.)

Today I had to go get my hearing aids fixed and then go by the DMV to get my license renewed. This time I don’t look high in my picture, but I do have the serial killer look going on and am not looking at the camera. The lady took so long and I looked at my husband with a “WTF is going on?” look on my face. Yay. At least I didn’t let my license expire, though, so it’s a win in my book. (And, nope, I’m not sharing the picture.)

Who’s ready for Thanksgiving? We’ve got three Thanksgivings to go to tomorrow (everyone lives less than 15 minutes away, thankfully!), and I’m cooking for all three. I’m making peanut butter pies, sweet potato pies, chocolate eclair cake, macaroni and cheese, corn, and cornbread. Sugar, carbs, and butter FTW!


In the week after Thanksgiving, we’ve got Little Man’s All Star games (send some positive vibes his way, as his ADHD has been in full swing and he’s back to playing in the dirt, which will certain impact how much playing time he gets), my birthday, Christmas decorating, a therapy appointment, and our Tacky Christmas Party. I’ve got a lot of cleaning to do, plus I need to make my and Sam’s sweaters. I’m thinking I’m gonna be snarky and make a “Make Christmas Great Again” sweater.

Busy, but fun times.

This is good enough to qualify as a blog post, so I’m wrapping it up. Maybe next time I’ll have a post post and not just a recap of the week post. Smart money says probably not, though.

By the way, I wrote a guest post on my friend Matty’s blog, Confessions (so we can partially blame him for my lack of posting😉 ). It’s part of his Finding Out Who We Are series. He’s a great guy — check out the post and website and give him a follow if you haven’t!

Happy Thanksgiving!

How’s it going for you guys? Are you ready for the holidays (or maybe you’re over them already)?


I’ve mentioned before that one of my goals for this year is to learn to like new food. It sounds like it flies in the face of the whole “lose weight” thing, but it’s a decent enough goal for a picky eater, since being more diverse and eating all the colors of the rainbow would be a good thing.


That’s not me — I’m just picky.

On Monday night, we cooked edamame to go with our super fancy dinner of chicken nuggets (at least they were the expensive all natural ones, which means less guilt), cucumbers, potatoes, and fruit. Little Man had allegedly tried it at a relative’s house a couple years ago (she said he ate it, he said he didn’t, classic edamame he-said-she-said), but none of the rest of us had. Sam was the first to try it.

“They’re good. Reminds me of lima beans.”

Next was Little Man, who loves lima beans.

“Yuck. God that’s awful!” He asked to opt out of the rest.

Next was me. Let me tell you — there is serious drama when I try new food or try to reintroduce my taste buds to food that I previously declared to be enemies of the state. I stare down the food. I will myself to pick it up. I panic and back out, declaring that I just can’t do it. After much coaxing from whoever happens to be around (and sometimes, if my dad is there, offers of monetary rewards), I’ll pick it up again and try to make myself do it. Often I fail.


The drama with the edamame was no different from the drama with the squash or the okra or the beautiful steak sub with the peppers, tomatoes, and onions. After chants of “Eat it, eat it!” from Sam and Little Man (before you judge the food example I’m setting for my kids, at least they weren’t chanting “Chug, chug!”), I picked up a single edamame bean and put it in my mouth and bit down. It was kinda hard — not what I was expected — so I retched and spit it out and acted like I had just put poison in my mouth, much to the amusement of Sam and LM.

And then it was Baby Girl’s turn. Baby Girl is far pickier than I am. She’s a toddler, but still. There’s not usually any negotiating with Baby Girl. No “I’ll give you five bucks to take one bite of okra” or “You’ll get a bite of cookie if you take a bite of carrot.” She’ll demand the reward and go her merry way, but rarely will she actually taste anything. The edamame was no exception.

“Mommy, I not like that!” she said when I asked her to eat one of the pretty green beans. She then picked one up and slammed it down and copied my retching before cackling, which sent Sam and Little Man into another fit of giggles.

“Come on Baby Girl…just lick one. It’s so good!”

She picked one up and pretended to lick it in a very exaggerated way. “Mmm MMM that good!” she said and started laughing again, clearly catering to her audience.

“Mom, you practically threw up the edamame, she’s not gonna eat that!” Little Man informed me. He was right, of course. After a bit more prodding, BG refused to taste it, although she did pretend to lick one a few more times. After the kids finished up, BG grabbed a few beans and took them over to our dog — he loved them.

On the upside, Baby Girl did eat some of the cucumbers. They were peeled and she thought they were lemons and wanted one and then wanted more (yay!). I wasn’t aware that she liked lemons, I’ll take it.

Baby Girl Got It

Last week I made a post about Baby Girl being less than thrilled with me when I told her not to stick her hand down her diaper and grab her poop. It was her poop and her stinky butt, after all — who was I to interfere with that, right? Well, yesterday was Baby Girl’s Revenge.

While I was doing dishes, BG walked up to me looking absolutely gleeful and had her arm outstretched.

“Mommy, I got it! I got it!”

She waved her hand at me, and I noticed that there was something covering her fingers. She got it all right — a fist full of squishy poop. (Hope you weren’t eating.) I used lots of wipes. Lots and LOTS of wipes, followed by lots and lots of soap.

Not poop. This is cho

From a different day — not poop. This is one is chocolate, thankfully.

I ordered some long sleeve onesies on Amazon for her to wear under her shirts to make digging around in there a little more difficult while we wait for this phase to pass or for her to get potty trained. I’m not sure if either will happen before she turns three, because a) second child and b) she never makes things easy on us.

Now for some non shitty news…

Remember how Little Man hoped to make the soccer All Star team this year? They had a meeting over the weekend to rank the players, and Little Man was in a three-way tie for 9th place. He had to make the top ten to be on the team, so the coach over the team was going to think about it, decide which two to keep, and then let the ones that made it know. We didn’t hear anything all week, so we assumed that he didn’t make it. Disappointing, but coming in at 11th out of 70-odd kids in their division was still something to be proud of.

And then we got the call tonight letting us know that Little Mad had indeed made the team. They play for the county championship after Thanksgiving, so hopefully it goes well!

How are you guys doing? Anything new (and hopefully nonshitty) to report?

Things Kids Say Thursday: A Haircut And Poop

Little Man’s hair has been getting shaggy again, and he’s resisted getting a trim for the last few months. I hadn’t gotten one in several months, either (although this was more of a not making time than not wanting one), so I made appointments for us to go in yesterday.

“How short do you want to go?” I asked LM before we went into the shop. His hair was nearly in his eyes when he didn’t sweep it to the side and was covering his ears. He had mentioned wanting to grow it out long again, but that went out the window when I used the blow dryer on his hair last week.

LM shrugged. “I dunno. I just know that I don’t want it covering my ears anymore. I’m getting tired of not being able to hear anyone.”

I frowned. “I’m pretty sure that your hair isn’t causing hearing loss.” Maybe Princess Leia can get away with that excuse, but not him.


“That’s gotta be it,” LM insisted. “You guys always say I don’t listen, and my hair is over my ears, so that’s gotta be what the problem is.”

I chuckled. “I think that’s called being eight. Or having ADHD. I don’t think we can blame the hair just yet.”

“We’ll see.”

So far that little theory of his hasn’t panned out. The distant looks and “Huh? What’d you say?” have still happened since that trim. Maybe the haircut just needs a little time to kick in.

Now for the girl…

Baby Girl has developed the habit of sticking her hands down her diaper lately. When I started to change her diaper today, she attempted to stuff her hand down her diaper before I could undo the sides.

“No, Baby Girl, don’t put your hand in there. That poop is nasty,” I told her, making a face.

She looked pissed — who am I to tell a two-year-old tyrant what to do?

“Mommy, that MY poop. That MY stinky butt. I do it.”