The Past Few Weeks (Also Known As ‘Lots Of Words’)

It’s been a goal of mine to blog more, but — as you’ve maybe noticed (or maybe not) — that hasn’t been happening lately. I’ve had a pretty big post drop off this summer in general, but August has been bad post-wise.

Since it’s been a little while since I posted any real life type stuff, I’m going to do a longish, all-over-the-place type post right now.

brace-yourselves-meme-blog

So, what’s new with me? For starters, I’m finally mostly over bronchitis. About three weeks ago, I got a cold, which turned into bronchitis. My timing with illnesses is so great that I got a confirmation of bronchitis on the way to the beach, for our end-of-summer vacation. Let’s just say that an almost four-hour drive with two kids who hate drives combined with a stop at a CVS Minute Clinic and Sam complaining that I didn’t tell the NP “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” over bronchitis didn’t make for the best trip down there.

bronchitis-aint-nobody-got-time-for-that

Part one of the beach trip was mostly spent in bed, with a brief appearance with the family on the actual beach. There was also the part where I drank, only it was the nastiest shit God has put on this earth, Rock and Rye. Sam always gets after me to take a shot when I have an awful cough, since he’s of the mind that it’s an all natural cure all.

Part two of the beach trip — the part where we came home one day and drove back with our friends the next day — was better, since I was taking my prescription cough medicine, my inhaler, and a bunch of OTC meds that probably should have caused some interaction (but didn’t). We mostly lazed around by the ocean and had some drinks. Apparently rum is quite effective at helping with coughs.

That part of the trip was short-lived, and we headed back early on Sunday to pick up LM and go to open house at his school.

On LM’s teacher — can teachers have roadies? Because his third grade teachers seems amazing. Wait, no, AMAZING. She deserves all the caps. The woman had a Gotham themed reading nook and a superhero theme going on in her classroom. Need I say more? Maybe not, but I will. Talking to hear, hearing about her expectations for the year, learning about her teaching methods, etc. made me extremely excited for the year. We talked a bit about LM’s ADHD diagnosis and sensory issues, and although it’ll be a while before we get an IEP meeting, she told us to let her know what he needs and it’ll be handled (and it has). I think this school year will be a lot better and that he’ll finally be challenged. He also starts the GT program, which is one day per week, for the icing on the cake. For even more icing on the cake, the bully in his class moved!

Yes, LM questioned Spidey being included in Gotham.

Yes, LM questioned Spidey being included in Gotham.

The day after LM’s open house, bronchitis decided that it wanted another shot at me. So I spent the following week cooped up in the house, loading up on all the OTC meds, refusing to go back to the doctor for something stronger/better, and making chocolate chip cookies. (Those who don’t feel like cleaning or taking kids to the park get a free pass when there are homemade cookies available, which is easy enough. And it’s scientifically proven that raw cookie dough helps soothe any illness.)

Little Man’s first week at school went very well, and he says he enjoys it and loves his teacher, although he has had a hard time transitioning back into the swing of things. He worries over everything and has had an awful time sleeping (gee, who does that sound like?). Plus, he’s been moody as heck and bursts into tears at the slightest thing. I hope that’ll get better as he gets used to it again.

Moving on to the current week…Sam fucked up our living room floor on Tuesday. He was trying to drill a hole to run the antenna cable since we rearranged our furniture, and he ended up drilling three holes in the middle of the floor. Let’s just say that I didn’t react too well. “Bitch fit” may work here.

And, yesterday morning, on the way out to school, Little Man found his dog on the porch after having been hit by a car. (As awful as it was, at least he was able to come back up.) The vet said that the dog’s leg is broken in four places and his pelvis is broken. He offered the options of removing the leg, having surgery and putting a plate in his leg, or putting the dog down. We opted for surgery, which he’ll have today, and hopefully it’ll work. After we got word that the dog would be okay, Sam called the school and LM’s teacher talked to him and let him know Bilbo would be fine, which made him feel a lot better, of course. We also took him by the vet to see him (and aside from the leg and a few scratches, he really looks okay), which helped a lot.

Screenshot 2016-08-25 at 11.43.02 AM

In the meantime, Baby Girl has been Baby Girl. Full of personality, her vocabulary has completely exploded and she’s using a lot of full sentences. She deserves her own Things Kids Say Thursday post, so hopefully I’ll get around to that today (if not, I may break the rules and post on a day not Thursday😉 ).

As y’all can tell from my likes and comments on week-old posts, I’m behind with my reading. At one point my blog email inbox had over 200 new messages. Yikes! I’ve been trying to catch up, but not sure I will entirely, so feel free to tell me what’s new with you below.

Posted in Personal/Random | 14 Comments

Things Kids Say Thursday: The Ten Commandments

Around the start of summer vacation, Little Man and Baby Girl went to VBS at a church we used to regularly attend. When I’d pick up LM each day, he’d tell me what they did, and the lesson for one of the days went over The Ten Commandments. Spying an opportunity for something cute to include in my Things Kids Say posts, I grabbed a pen and piece of paper to write down what he said.

But then I lost the paper and y’all had to read about other cute things he/Baby Girl did or said.

And then I found it today, which is great timing.

So, The Ten Commandments, according to Little Man:

  1. No stealing. [Good…]
  2. Don’t remarry. [Sounds like all of your grandparents are screwed.]
  3. No killing people. [Also good…]
  4. Obey your parents. [Heck yeah.]
  5. Sing a song about God every day. [If that’s what floats your boat, sure.]
  6. No kicking people out of the country. [For the sake of not going political here, no comment.]
  7. No choking people. Or wrestling. [Well, half of that you definitely shouldn’t do.]
  8. Let as many babies (what he calls stuffed animals) sleep in your bed as you want. [Suggesting that I’m defying God’s law by not letting you keep 252 stuffed animals in your bed won’t cut it.]
  9. Admit that science makes you smarter. [Since I’m not going political, I’ll skip the obvious joke that could be made here.]
  10. Treat people nicely by throwing them parties. [That’s not very subtle, LM.]
Posted in Funny Crap, The Kids | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Hair Like Meg Ryan

For our date night last week, Sam and I ordered take-out and watched You’ve Got Mail. I feel obligated to say that it wasn’t on Netflix, given my slew (well, two) of Netflix posts last week. Instead, we kicked it old school and watched the DVD I’ve had since I was in high school (yep, sometimes the newfangled digital shit can last, unless Little Man touches it, anyway).

My grandmother was a fan of romantic comedies, so I watched a lot of those since I lived with her. She was a Meg Ryan superfan (until The Affair with Russell Crowe, sigh), and I became one too after watching You’ve Got Mail. As a teen who had recently gotten an Internet connection, I thought it was the most romantic thing ever. A smart guy! Who enjoys books! And can write! Such a guy didn’t exist in my class of 70-odd students, so that movie gave my love life a little hope (although working up the nerve to go the online route would come later).

You know how couples have a song? It might be the first song they ever danced to together or the one they danced to at their wedding. This movie is our equivalent of our song. (Truth be told, we have a song, too. And it’s not Hanson, because Sam put his foot down.) We went the same route as the characters, meeting online, taking forever to meet, and when we did it was amazeballs (well, it was amazeballs a couple months after we met, anyway, when my nervousness wore off). Our story isn’t as interesting though, and consists only of a few missed hints and involuntarily dodged kisses — no business war or bailing on meeting or leading someone on while not telling them you’re the online guy they’re infatuated with. But otherwise IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME.

Tom-Hanks-Youve-Got-Mail3

We were getting sappy and stuff while watching the movie, reciting lines here and there, like it was of Star Wars or Shakespeare importance, when it dawned on me that there was something about me that Sam didn’t know. Once you’ve been married to someone for 10 years — hell, even 5 — finding something new to share from one’s past is pretty major. It’s almost on the level of giving diamonds. Almost.

“Oh my god, that haircut!” I commented. “I loved that haircut when I was in high school. I had it for the better part of two years. But it never worked out.”

This is it, in case you haven’t watched You’ve Got Mail or just don’t remember:

youve-got-mail-turtleneck

Between my lack of being able to blow my wavy (but not curly, dammit) hair straight, it not being the right haircut for my face, and the crappy stylist whose cuts rarely resembled the picture given, the haircut didn’t work for me. It didn’t work the first time I was a sophomore in high school, or the second time with blonde highlights, or even the 89th time, when I was a senior in high school, and I’d highlighted my hair so much that it was nearly straight up blonde. (This is when I realized I should just let it grow out and go back to my natural color.)

mindy-kaling-sandra-bullock

Except for it’d say “Meg Ryyyyyan!”

“You meant you actually wanted the haircut of a woman in her 40s?” Sam asked with a smirk on his face.

“She wasn’t in her 40s at the time,” I said, defending my style choice for god knows what reason. “Probably like her 30s. Or mid-30s.”

“That’s really not better. You were 15!”

“Almost 16, though. And it was a cute haircut! Just not on me. Which may be why I didn’t date more in high school.”

“Aw, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Sam said. “Just pretty bad.” I have yet to show him my picture in the yearbook from that haircut — the one where I was wearing a plain white t-shirt for, again, god knows what reason. Add in being sweaty as hell because it was early September in SC, and you’ve got loads of awfulness.

I also didn’t tell him about how, when I first got the cut, that my English teacher marked me as being absent on the attendance slip that day and had to page the office to have them correct it so I wouldn’t get a detention for skipping when I was eventually (I assume) marked present in another class. That should have deterred me from getting it again, but nope. Awkward teenage years were awkward.

At least I know better now!

Any hair horror stories you’d like to share? Or maybe there was a time when you tried to be an almost middle-aged woman when you were a teen?

Posted in Funny Crap, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 38 Comments

#WeekendCoffeeShare: Less Heat, Vacay, and School

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that apparently the powers that be took notice of my last Weekend Coffee Share post — the one where I complained about the heat — and decided to knock it down from Swamp Ass Level 3 to Swamp Ass Level 2. We’ve actually seen temperatures drop down into the 80s during the day time. According to the forecast, this slight reprieve will not last long, but we’ll take it, and I’ll even offer you a hot beverage today.

After the drink situation is handled, I’d tell you that we’ve had a less exhausting week. We were out and about the first half of the week, but we stayed home on Thursday and most of Friday and watched movies, played video games, and read books. It was nice to relax and not be on the go. Last night we went to my dad’s for dinner, which was interesting. Aside from his political commentary (“You can vote for anyone BUT Hillary!”) and putting on a Shania Twain concert that he had saved to his DVR, we did have a nice time watching a heavy rain shower and playing Yahtzee.

We don’t have any plans for the rest of the weekend, so it’s likely that we’ll do the couch potato thing some more, plus hang out in our pool in between short thunderstorms, which is just as well since we’re leaving for the beach on Tuesday afternoon. We plan to bring the kids back Thursday night then go back down with our friends on Friday morning and stay for two more nights. We’ve done this weekend trip for the past few years, except for the year we had Baby Girl, and it’s always a good time.

The day we get back from the beach (which means we’ll need to leave early), we’ll have an afternoon full of orientations/teacher talks/open houses, and then it’s back to school the next day for Little Man. He has been in tears over going back to school this week, so I hope I can get him looking forward to it — or at least not dreading it — over the next few days. Thinking about the never ending worksheets and testing and having his time available to just play cut down to next to nothing is understandably very difficult for him. I’m hoping that between having a teacher that’s supposed to be great and going to the GT program one day a week will change his tune a bit after school starts.

How was your week? 


Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Diana at Part-Time Monster.

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The 2016 Netflix Challenge

One thing I see on social media a lot is challenges. Not so much the kind where people do stupid shit that sends them to the hospital and you get to roll your eyes at someone for being a dumbass (there seems to be less of these as I/my friends have aged), but the kind where you have to move.

Yes, move.

There are challenges for abs, challenges for squats, challenges for push-ups — you get my drift. These are not challenges I’m inclined to do anymore so than I’m inclined to eat a teaspoon of cinnamon or chug a gallon of milk because I’m lazy, because it’s hot, because…just because.

I finally came across a challenge more up my ally, though, and it doesn’t involve moving or doing anything that’ll land me in the ER — it’s the 2016 Netflix Challenge.

netflix-challenge

There are a couple of things that will be tough for me to do on this list — like watch a one-star movie (I guess there is always the zombie beavers movie that was mentioned in the comments of my Netflix and Swill post) or finding one set in my state of South Carolina — but otherwise, I think I got this. A few I’ve already done, like watch a Netflix original series (Orange is the New Black) and watch a movie not in my language (The Hunt), so I’ve got a head start on this challenge.

So, who’s with me? And, any non-shitty movie recommendations (so I can check out the “movie recommended on this blog” box)?

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Things Kids Say Thursday: “Tecsting”

Back when I first let Little Man use my iPad to send relatives text messages, I’m pretty sure everyone hated me. He had just started first grade at the time, and I thought it’d be a good way for him to practice writing/spelling and talk to some of our family about how school was going.

Little did I realize that LM was one of those people who have shit fits if someone doesn’t text them back immediately. You know the type — you don’t respond to a text within 5 minutes (and it’s a random text, not like you’ve been chatting), and they’re certain that you’re ignoring them and hate them or some shit.

Here is one of his early shit fit texts that I received one morning when I was out running errands. There’s lots of first grader spelling mistakes, but I’m pretty sure you can figure it out:

Screenshot 2016-07-28 at 4.22.35 PM

I was equal parts amused and horrified at the caps lock text rage coming from a little kid. He still sends lots of texts, but he usually doesn’t get quite as pissy as he did in his earlier texts when someone doesn’t respond fast enough.

Posted in Funny Crap, The Kids, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 35 Comments

Netflix and Swill

Y’all know I love some Netflix. There’s nothing quite better than kicking back after wrapping up the never ending nighttime routine by zoning out to one of my favorite TV shows. It’s also our number one date night activity (which may be a sad revelation in more ways than one). Despite all its wonderfulness, Netflix has its drawbacks. Aside from increasing the likelihood that enables my sloth-like tendencies, there’s the absolute garbage they put on there for kids.

Obviously there are hits and misses on Netflix, but there seem to be a hell of a lot more misses with the stuff geared towards kids. And my kid seems to gravitate towards all of the misses. Every time I proclaim that the show or movie Little Man has watched as being the worst fucking garbage ever, he manages to find something that’s not only worse, but makes me question whether he’s mine.

First there was Sonic the Hedgehog. I played the hell out of some Sonic in my day, but this show was rough. And, naturally, Little Man adored it. The story lines were awful, the bad guys were lame, and the jokes induced eye rolls rather than chuckles. I was embarrassed that this was from my time, or was “an old school cartoon,” as LM puts it.

sonic-hedgehog-show-rock

Continuing the video game theme trend, next came Super Mario Brothers. Also from my time, parts of each episode were cartoon and other parts were live action. Let’s put it like this —

There. Should. Never. Be. Non. Pixelated. Mario. Brothers. Ever.

super-mario-bros stun

I’m lumping the next ones together: Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. (I know some of y’all will hate me for this.) I like Pokemon Go as much as the next person, but those two shows (and all the movies, different series, etc.) make me want to claw my eyes out. Especially the latter. Nonstop talking about those cards is bad enough, but a show about collecting cards to battle with? Good god, shoot me now.

yu-gi-oh-duel-time

None of these shows has anything on the the current holder of The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Watched title — The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Imagine someone turning Candyland into real life digital hell, and then throwing the kid who plays Jacob in Twilight into a shark costume, and you’ve got Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

sharkboy-taylor-lautner

Need I say more? Probably not, but in case those few words aren’t enough to make my case, there’s also George Lopez, who appears as villain Mr. Electric, and he looks like this:

george-lopez-mr-electric-sharkboy

See? That’s just bad.

At least we’re getting a break from the crap for now, as Little Man found Batman: The Animated Series on Amazon. Between school starting in less than two weeks and the stuff we have planned, this show may very well last us into winter break.

What’s some of the worst stuff you’ve seen on Netflix? 

Posted in Funny Crap, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments