You’re So Lucky

Whenever I talk to someone about my husband, I’m often told how lucky I am.

“He cooks? Wow, you’re lucky.”

“He helps out with the kids? You’re so lucky.”

“He changes diapers [in public restrooms]? My husband would never. You don’t know how good you’ve got it.”

Those are just a few drops in the bucket of my perceived luckiness (or otherwise good fortune), but they’re fairly representative of the type of comments I’ve gotten over the years. Many of these comments make me question the standards some women have for their husbands. I don’t think it should be considered luck that my husband changes the diapers of the child he helped create or cooks some meals, as he eats, too.

(I also wonder whether people ever think that my husband is lucky to be married to me. Probably not. If I’m letting my husband do so much to help out, then he probably got the short end of the stick in this marriage in their eyes, and they haven’t gotten past the tip of the iceberg as far as the things my husband does goes.)

But this post isn’t really about the roles husband and wife or mom and dad have in the home. Because at the end of the day (when I’m not griping about my husband’s slobbiness or attempts to give us frostbite by adjusting the thermostat), I really do feel lucky. Just not in the ways those other women think I am.

I feel lucky that I have a husband who copes with my mental illness as well as he does. Not only did he encourage me to get help when he noticed things were spiraling out of control, even though I was adamant that nothing was wrong with me, he didn’t bat an eye when the many, many labels started getting thrown at me. I was scared that he might leave me and want to find someone normal, but he told me that I was “perfectly imperfect” and that he loved me just the way I am.

I’m lucky that my husband can pick up on my mood shifts. I’m not talking so much about the big cycles (although he’s aware of those, too), but the ups and downs that I often experience throughout the day. I try not to let things show, but he can often tell by the slight edge to my voice or my sudden quietness that I need my space or need him to take over doing homework with Little Man or whatever it is that I need in order to try to get a handle on myself.

I’m lucky that I have a husband who picks up the slack when I’m depressed. While I’m not about praising my husband for doing chores around the house or running errands, I do appreciate it so much when he takes on some of my load (on top of his full-time job) when making myself get out of bed in the morning is like climbing a mountain. Does everything get done during those weeks and sometimes months? No, but he tries. (For the record I do try, too, but during those times getting one or two chores done feels more exhausting than deep cleaning the entire house.)

I’m also lucky that my husband tries to reel me in when he notices certain moods (I guess you’d call it) getting out of hand. For example, a few weeks ago, we had dinner with some friends. On the drive home, I told my husband I got a weird vibe and didn’t want to do anything with them again. He was shocked, as these are long-time friends of ours. Instead of arguing with me about it, he said it was something we could talk about later, that we didn’t have to make any decisions at the moment.

A week later, he asked if I still felt that way. I told him that I didn’t and couldn’t understand what came over me in the moment to feel so strongly, as no one did a thing the least bit offensive and were awesome as always. I guess it’s just part of the whole mood disorder thing, but the main thing was that he was looking out for me on that.

Staying with that same “reeling me in” theme, I’m lucky that he tries to divert my plots to go off my meds and quit seeing the psychiatrist and the therapist. Yes, I know I shouldn’t do this when I’m of a rational mind. Occasionally I’m not of a rational mind, though. I doubt everything, including the legitimacy of my disorders, and am convinced that all I need to do is quit everything and mentally toughen up. He makes sure that doesn’t happen, thankfully.

So, yes, I think I’m lucky to have a spouse that supports me through thick and thin. Is thinking this a bit hypocritical since I raise my eyebrows at other women when they tell me I’m lucky my husband does things? Especially since this is kinda what he promised when he said his “through sickness and in health” vows? Probably. But I still feel lucky to have someone who loves me in the way that he does.

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36 thoughts on “You’re So Lucky

  1. ow, that’s a great post. I remember one time, the wife and I were in Walmart and a lady overheard our conversation about mustard of all things and I said “I don’t care what kind of mustard you get, I’m pretty easy going” or something like that and this lady said ‘You’re so lucky that your husband lets you pick out the mustard”. I still don’t even know what to say about something like that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for that. I tell you, what a weird world we live in. A man parents his children or cooks a meal, and the world kisses his ass about it. I get comments ALL THE TIME on how lucky I am The Mister took Moo to the dentist, or painted my toenails, or sewed on his own button, or whatever, and I’m like O_o
    I had no idea that marriage meant I was the only one who’d do these things, or that because he has a job, I’m supposed to do everything else. Of course, I’m the writer, so most people only see one side of things, but I swear, the only time people say my husband is lucky is when I’m sportin cleavage and wearin make up. The sexism. It is creepy.
    Good thing we’re married to the right men and they’re married to the right women. Taking care of one another entails different things for all couples, but taking care must surely be the most constant.

    Liked by 4 people

    • My husband left a little while ago to take Baby Girl for her 18-month checkup. I stayed at home because I’m baking bread and a roast and stuff for supper. I guarantee you the ladies in the office will be either fawning all over him or throwing themselves at him because he took his daughter to an appointment. People seeing him with Little Man is one thing, but the daddy and the baby girl thing sends them nutso (which I’m sure you know).

      That IS creepy! That reminds me that my husband has been told he’s lucky before, but mainly because he can do everything he wants (watch football, watch the nerdy stuff, play video games) since I like it, too. rolls eyes

      Liked by 2 people

      • Oh I know you’re right! They will be all over him. Absolutely.
        Yeah, your husband is lucky you like that stuff OR maybe you’re both lucky because you have shared interests?!?
        Shame on people, E.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Geez, another blog makeover… Doesn’t anything ever stay the same? And what are those characters at the top of your blog actually doing? It looks nasty. In my day, Minnie Mouse would never be seen with Spiderman or Darth Vader. What is it, a threesome? And on a pink slide, no less. I just don’t understand you young people… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First, I love the header. Nowhere else will someone find Spiderman, Kylo, and Minnie hang out together. Second, great post. I love seeing other dads actually being dads. I’m seeing it more and more. I’m not sure if this means men are being oppressed from doing “man stuff” by taking on such responsibilities or family is the new “man stuff” If I lived closer I’d take Sam out for some drinks to celebrate being a dad! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks a bunch! Agree…maybe they’re becoming less selfish. I remember my dad (who was rarely around during the week to do school stuff or watch our sports stuff because between work and doing “his” thing he didn’t have time) would go out on weekends to go hunting, fishing, basically more of “his” stuff. Pretty common around here. We didn’t need the meat (rarely would he get anything), so it was nothing more than participating in a hobby he enjoyed that kept him away from fulfilling his duties as a parent. (Which, honestly, was probably for the best, but still.)

      Liked by 2 people

      • I remember my dad coming to my wrestling matches straight from work. The matches wouldn’t start until 4 or 5 (unlike soccer which took place right after school) so he was able to make it – even if he was still in his work clothes.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I am pretty sure he feels very lucky to have you n his life too!!! Nice when it all works and your there for each other….sometimes one gives more than the other for awhile and then the roles are reversed….I feel like I am the luckiestt women in the world…I married a wonderful man…I am thinking he feels the same way about me too!!! kat

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Dialogue from the Depths and commented:

    What Anxious Mom wrote sounded exactly like it could have come from me (Lee) – about how lucky I am to have such an amazing, supportive, loyal, loving, dedicated husband who loves me unconditionally and would do anything in his power to help me and make our relationship work and be strong.

    He has loved the phrase “perfectly imperfect” (or is being “imperfectly perfect” actually even better?!?) ever since he first heard it and tells me and thinks I’m just that!

    Just know that everything Anxious Mom said is how I feel about my husband, and also describes what he does when I’m down (or up!) and, I’d just like to say, directly to him –
    Hubby, I love you!
    I appreciate you!
    I thank you!

    Lee
    ps See “First Time Blogging”, 21 Jan, for the full post, and please comment.
    pps Hubby asked me to write, but didn’t tell me ‘what to write’ 😉

    Like

  7. I’m so happy you have such an amazing and caring husband. Its nice to know there are people out there who will tough it out even through the worst of times. Your both very lucky to have each other I think. XX

    Like

  8. I SO identify with this post! When my kids were little, people would just gush on and on about my husband. He changes diapers! You are so lucky! He feeds his children and takes them places? OMG you are so lucky! I mean, yes, I appreciated the help but like you said – what exactly do they expect of their husbands? Anything? And how come when we, say, change our baby’s diaper, we don’t get praise?

    Because we’re women, and women are SUPPOSED to do that. I don’t think my husband ever considered he had a choice in the matter. Which is good, since he didn’t. I often wonder what century we live in.

    My husband doesn’t know what to say or do often, but he takes off work to take me to the psychiatrist if my mental illness is bad. He will take the kids somewhere if he sees me about to flip out. He’s there. He stays. I’m glad you have support you need as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just once I’d love to have someone fawn over me because I was tired due to staying up into the night with the baby! Both of our families use to act like he was the second coming when he’d doze off because he’d done his shift with LM or BG. Sigh.

      I’m glad you have that, as well. ❤

      Like

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