There are certain things in life that I’m not very good at. We’ve already established that baking bread falls under my Life Fail category. Navigation skills are under there. Applying makeup is most definitely there. Walking without injury is high on the list.
And then there is parking. Fucking parking.
This was the one thing that almost kept me from being able to get my driver’s license. I did pass on my first attempt, but the person who tested me said that I did so poorly on parallel parking that she was tempted to fail me. “But, you won’t be parallel parking much anyway, so just keep practicing.” I was rather curious about her scoring, if something like parking could truly overshadow an otherwise almost perfect test, but I know when to keep my trap shut. Sometimes, anyway.
I did practice parallel parking, as promised. Many, many times. I still attempt to parallel park. But after trying to either back up into the spot or get close enough to the curb a dozen times, I’ll give up and decide I probably didn’t really need to go wherever it was I was going anyway.
That’s one kind of parking I suck at. But that’s not all, of course! Then there’s the regular parking in a mostly empty parking lot that I manage to mess up: Much to my husband’s amusement (and sometimes embarrassment), my parking screw ups happen a few times per month — I’ll pull into a lot with plenty of space, park, think I did just fine, get out, then look back at my car as I lock it and notice that I messed up. Being over the line is one thing, but getting into four spaces? Hell.
I usually get back in and fix it (so as not to be a dick), but I didn’t that time because I was running in and out and the lot was pretty empty. But you know that man coming out as I was going in must have thought, “Who does this bitch think she is? It’s not a damn Porche!”
No fancy bitch delusions here. Just a sucky parker who has terrible depth perception.
While I was writing this, I decided to look for a GIF to go with this post and happened upon so many awful parking GIFs. In fact, they make me feel rather superior about my own abilities. I’ll probably stay that way until I pull into four spaces again.
Here are a few for your viewing pleasure (or horror):
Do you suck at parking as badly as I do? No? Well, I’m sure there’s something. 😉