C is for CRAFT

BIOIYA (break it off in your ass) isn’t something most of us would use in a text conversation. But CRAFT? Absolutely! Check it out:

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Sitting in the medicine bucket on my kitchen counter is a brand new bottle of Omega 3 pills, which, among other things, can help with brain performance, including memory. Why did I buy this? Because I CRAFT.

Sometimes I feel like I’m four decades older than I really am, because my memory is terrible. From forgetting why I went into a room to totally blanking on a word I’ve used a million times to having no memory of the somewhere special my husband says we went to, things in that department have gone way downhill over the past few years.

I’m sure some of it’s because of the medications I take, both of which have a lovely side effect of causing memory problems. And some of it’s probably just due to getting a tiny bit older, but I attribute a lot of my forgetfulness to being a mom. Kids fuck with your brain in ways that probably aren’t legal as far as torture methods enhanced interrogation techniques go. Their methods include sleep deprivation and sensory overload. Deprivation of food and drink can certainly happen. I’m sure I’m overlooking other methods they indirectly (and sometimes directly) use.

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CRAFT also comes in handy in situations where you don’t want to do or don’t want to answer something you were asked (unless you’re a pansy, in which case you’ll just be upfront). Husband texts you when you’re driving home to see if you picked up the catfish stew that’ll stink up the house? “Sorry babe, CRAFT.” Mom of a kid in your kid’s class asks why you didn’t come to their meet-and-greet party (which is really to hawk Tupperware)? “Oops…CRAFT.” You get the idea.

Alternative meaning: I didn’t found any meanings for the acronym, but Urban Dictionary defines the word is used as slang and means “steal, in an underhanded way, usually from a friend/acquaintance.” So y’all do me a favor and don’t craft any of my million dollar blog post ideas.

Textspeak I passed up: CTFD (calm the fuck down), CU46 (see you for sex), CSL (can’t stop laughing), and C/S (change of subject).

Where my fellow CRAFTies at?

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38 thoughts on “C is for CRAFT

  1. These posts are reminding me of conversations I have with my husband on a pretty regular basis…he teaches high school so he’s constantly using slang his students use just to annoy me. The other day one of the kids said his outfit was “savage.” I had to ask if that was good or bad. Apparently its good. (He was wearing a Sleater-Kinney t-shirt. I think he’s trying to impress them) Now I can start schooling him 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok, so your theme is revealing to me that I’m sorely behind on text speak because I did not know about the existence of CRAFT, CTFD, CU46, CSL and C/S!!! Like you, my CRAFT moments are increasing 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cassie says:

    I always kid myself by thinking that I will remember things then I forget. It is crazy what kids can do to your brain! As for interrogation techniques, you forgot about the crying! That is one thing I am working on with my daughter. I hate when she points and whines for something, we are working on using our words! Thanks for sharing. Cassie from Mommy, RN

    Liked by 1 person

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