So, this post is a bit late if you live on the East Coast like I do. My apologies for its tardiness. I’d also like to apologize for having taken an ambien before writing this, so it may not be my best work.
MBH from trying to come up with something good to write about today. The pickings were slim with the letter M. I briefly considered MYOB (mind your own business), which would have been perfect because I found an Amy Poehler gif that was amazeballs, but it turned into a “don’t MYOB because I’m writing about my business” thing, so I scrapped it. I’ll write about my business — meaning the shit that’s been going on lately that hasn’t really come up in the AtoZ stuff — in a non AtoZ post.
I’m giving you the gif anyway:
You know what else made MBH today? Little Man’s numbers. Y’all know what it means when a kid says he has to “go number one” or “go number two,” right?
Well, today I found out there are three other numbers.
The boy and I were sitting on the couch watching cartoons this morning when he said, “Mommy, Mommy! I’ve gotta go number three!” He jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I’ve been trying to avoid being near him when he goes to the bathroom, because he’s still calling for someone to wipe his butt. Ew. No. But I was curious to see what number three was, so I followed him along.
Number 3 was diarrhea. Oh joy. (And, in case you’re wondering, I did help him. Better to wipe dat hiney than to deal with him making a mess of it and having to help clean that up.)
Later on in the day, LM informed me that he had done a number 4. What the fuck, son?
“You did a number four?” I asked, racking my brain to see what could possibly be left as far as the plumbing stuff goes.
“Yeah,” LM said, squirming. “I had a wet fart. Can you come wipe my hiney?”
“You know where the toilet paper is,” I said and went to tell Sam that it was his turn.
(Sidestory: when LM was in 5K, he came home with a different pair of pants on. I asked him if he had wet his pants, but said, “no, it was just a wet toot. The sub didn’t know what to think when I told her I had a wet toot, so she made me sit on the bench and then we went in to change my clothes.” Shit like that makes me miss teaching, the random stuff that comes up.)
Number five hit at bedtime. Just as I was tucking LM in, he jumped up and said “watch out, I’ve got a number five incoming!” I jumped halfway across the room and waited to see what the fuck he could have left as far as the poop stuff goes.
It was a sneeze. You’d think that a sneeze would be a level one, not level five. We need to reorder his list of bodily fluids over the weekend, I believe.
I think that’s about it for the stuff that MBH today. Whew!
Now, assuming that there are no more MBH issues for the remainder of Saturday, I’ll get in my post for N and it’ll be a DP day. DP means double post in this situation, but it also used to mean drunk posting when I ran a sports message board back in the day. And I’ve also learned that there’s a dirty meaning for DP, but I’m not posting it. Now you’re probably wondering how the hell I got over to D-acronyms, but just remember, MBH.
Alternative meaning: my balls hurt.
Textspeak I passed up: MEJR (my eyes just rolled), MCM (man crush Monday), MFIC (motherfucker in charge), MTFBWY (may the force be with you), and MITIN (more info than I needed).
Aside from this post, perhaps, what would you say “makes MBH” about lately?