Netflix and Swill

Y’all know I love some Netflix. There’s nothing quite better than kicking back after wrapping up the never ending nighttime routine by zoning out to one of my favorite TV shows. It’s also our number one date night activity (which may be a sad revelation in more ways than one). Despite all its wonderfulness, Netflix has its drawbacks. Aside from increasing the likelihood that enables my sloth-like tendencies, there’s the absolute garbage they put on there for kids.

Obviously there are hits and misses on Netflix, but there seem to be a hell of a lot more misses with the stuff geared towards kids. And my kid seems to gravitate towards all of the misses. Every time I proclaim that the show or movie Little Man has watched as being the worst fucking garbage ever, he manages to find something that’s not only worse, but makes me question whether he’s mine.

First there was Sonic the Hedgehog. I played the hell out of some Sonic in my day, but this show was rough. And, naturally, Little Man adored it. The story lines were awful, the bad guys were lame, and the jokes induced eye rolls rather than chuckles. I was embarrassed that this was from my time, or was “an old school cartoon,” as LM puts it.

sonic-hedgehog-show-rock

Continuing the video game theme trend, next came Super Mario Brothers. Also from my time, parts of each episode were cartoon and other parts were live action. Let’s put it like this —

There. Should. Never. Be. Non. Pixelated. Mario. Brothers. Ever.

super-mario-bros stun

I’m lumping the next ones together: Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. (I know some of y’all will hate me for this.) I like Pokemon Go as much as the next person, but those two shows (and all the movies, different series, etc.) make me want to claw my eyes out. Especially the latter. Nonstop talking about those cards is bad enough, but a show about collecting cards to battle with? Good god, shoot me now.

yu-gi-oh-duel-time

None of these shows has anything on the the current holder of The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Watched title — The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Imagine someone turning Candyland into real life digital hell, and then throwing the kid who plays Jacob in Twilight into a shark costume, and you’ve got Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

sharkboy-taylor-lautner

Need I say more? Probably not, but in case those few words aren’t enough to make my case, there’s also George Lopez, who appears as villain Mr. Electric, and he looks like this:

george-lopez-mr-electric-sharkboy

See? That’s just bad.

At least we’re getting a break from the crap for now, as Little Man found Batman: The Animated Series on Amazon. Between school starting in less than two weeks and the stuff we have planned, this show may very well last us into winter break.

What’s some of the worst stuff you’ve seen on Netflix? 

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25 thoughts on “Netflix and Swill

  1. I miss the Saturday morning cartoons of my day. As for what to stay away from, I can’t recommend you watch or stay away from kids shows, since I don’t usually watch since they’ve gotten so bad. We try to watch films for gays and lesbians, but because their budgets are so low they are usually absolutely terrible. That probably doesn’t help, but it’s all I got.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have not watched this — please please hear me when I tell you I HAVE NOT AND WILL NOT WATCH THIS — but Netflix’s recommendation system keeps suggesting I might wanna watch, ahem: “Zombeavers.” (According to the description, “A group of randy college kids partying in a woodland cabin gets a nasty surprise when a horde of ferocious zombie beavers attacks.”)

    No, Netflix. NOT watching this. Not now, not ever, not when hell freezes over, not when the zombie apocalypse comes in the form of tree-gnawing rodents.

    NOT.
    EVER.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh yeah. The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl, UGH. Sassy was stuck on that for a long, long, long time around age 6. I thought it would never end. It did inspire Moo to name her series on The Awkward Adventures of Creepy Guy and Raccoon-Eyed Girl…and that’s a good one.
    Pokemon and YuGiOhmyfuckingGod. My son. I just… I… No. And I mean to tell you, my 21 yr old nephew was teaching my 10yr old nephew to play the YuGiOh card game thing on Saturday and I could barely take it. I went OUTSIDE, E. Into the heat, to avoid that. Talked to Uncle Harold about his gd pacemaker while I sweat in the sun and the bees swarmed me. Still better than that anime crap.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bless your heart on both counts. It’s seriously fucking awful. Every day when I’d take Little Man to school and pick him up (that’s 200 minutes per week), he’d tell me all about the different Pokemon, their points, what they could evolve to, then started the same shit with YuGiOh. I feel like I could probably kill someone and that God would be like “you’ve done your time” and let me into Heaven.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I bet you’re right, not that you’ll need that pass.
        When my son was 8, I’d had enough and I started to teach him about polite conversation. I told him that I don’t talk to Papaw about bras, or quilting, or anything else he isn’t interested in. Daddy doesn’t talk to me about tools and tires and football, because he knows I do not care. I explained it’s really kinda rude to force people to talk about ONLY things that interest one’s self. I explained that while I appreciate his passion for that crap, he was old enough to understand I didn’t get excited about it just because he does.
        I let him talk about it, but to this day, when he gets diarrhea of the mouth about some crap IDGAFA, I just say, “Did I tell you about the new mascara I found? Oh you’ll never believe this…” or something else like that, and he stops. Point taken.
        I’m not sayin you should do this, I’m just telling you I HAD TO. Safety First and all. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Kiddo is just getting into Pokemon so those shows (so many series!) have been the thing this summer. Thank goodness for the Wii U console and headphones! I was rather unimpressed with the Sonic the Hedgehog animated series but he watched it – none of the things from my childhood hold much appeal for him (I tried with Transformers).

    Liked by 1 person

    • For real, it’s like there is no end in sight to those shows. Transformers is one that my little guy got obsessed with for a while. I never watched the old show, but thought it was pretty darn good.

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  5. I haven’t watched anything that is geared for children, but some of the ‘scary’ show, especially when dealing with young teens, makes me want to start throwing things at my TV, but I can’t do that due to how much I paid for it. I regularly (every evening) search through the shows after I’ve finished watching the last of a series, trying to find one that will hold my interest as well as the first ones I watched did. Nurse Jackie was a marathon Netflix event for me, and nothing else that I find can compare.

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