Y’all know I love some Netflix. There’s nothing quite better than kicking back after wrapping up the never ending nighttime routine by zoning out to one of my favorite TV shows. It’s also our number one date night activity (which may be a sad revelation in more ways than one). Despite all its wonderfulness, Netflix has its drawbacks. Aside from increasing the likelihood that enables my sloth-like tendencies, there’s the absolute garbage they put on there for kids.
Obviously there are hits and misses on Netflix, but there seem to be a hell of a lot more misses with the stuff geared towards kids. And my kid seems to gravitate towards all of the misses. Every time I proclaim that the show or movie Little Man has watched as being the worst fucking garbage ever, he manages to find something that’s not only worse, but makes me question whether he’s mine.
First there was Sonic the Hedgehog. I played the hell out of some Sonic in my day, but this show was rough. And, naturally, Little Man adored it. The story lines were awful, the bad guys were lame, and the jokes induced eye rolls rather than chuckles. I was embarrassed that this was from my time, or was “an old school cartoon,” as LM puts it.
Continuing the video game theme trend, next came Super Mario Brothers. Also from my time, parts of each episode were cartoon and other parts were live action. Let’s put it like this —
There. Should. Never. Be. Non. Pixelated. Mario. Brothers. Ever.
I’m lumping the next ones together: Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. (I know some of y’all will hate me for this.) I like Pokemon Go as much as the next person, but those two shows (and all the movies, different series, etc.) make me want to claw my eyes out. Especially the latter. Nonstop talking about those cards is bad enough, but a show about collecting cards to battle with? Good god, shoot me now.
None of these shows has anything on the the current holder of The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Watched title — The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Imagine someone turning Candyland into real life digital hell, and then throwing the kid who plays Jacob in Twilight into a shark costume, and you’ve got Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
Need I say more? Probably not, but in case those few words aren’t enough to make my case, there’s also George Lopez, who appears as villain Mr. Electric, and he looks like this:
See? That’s just bad.
At least we’re getting a break from the crap for now, as Little Man found Batman: The Animated Series on Amazon. Between school starting in less than two weeks and the stuff we have planned, this show may very well last us into winter break.
What’s some of the worst stuff you’ve seen on Netflix?